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July 03, 2009

Today, I would just like to note, is my Mother's birthday. I only wish that I had the golden Pee-Pee Chew idol to give her as a gift. I would love to see that starry-eyed look on Mom's face that Jane-Dog had on hers. But I have nothing that Chet Bomlardo would ever want to trade for such an item and, if I do, I would never part with whatever rare collectable that might be. I think I have the same kind of collector's illness he does.

Anyway, we are getting down to the home stretch with the new Fat Naked Elves. I guess they aren't so "new" anymore, huh? Perhaps we could think of this as the second incarnation. Still, I think you'll be happy with the material the tubbies have been coming up with, and I will be happy when I can stop buying all of those bland steamed buns to feed them with!

June 26, 2009

Woo-ha! I've been wanting to work a dragon into the story since the beginning, but there just wasn't a good place for one. So my thanks go out to Chet Bomlardo for using one to protect his horde. Unfortunately I think he got his from one of those mail order eggs where you just soak them in water for a few hours and the inside swells up into something cool...ish. Anyway, if he actually had spent the big bucks for one of those classy import dragons, then Jane-Dog might have had a bit more trouble. Perhaps he put the rest of his money into a high quality boulder...?

June 19, 2009

Who wouldn't want to find a secret fanboy layer filled with collectable goods? Man! Just imagine all of that crazy loot. Still, I'm sure that B.E. and Jane-Dog are above petty theft, even from a jerk like Chet. Of course, Chet can't be too upstanding if he got his hands on the stolen sacred relic of the mer-elves in the first place. I can't help but wonder, however, where Chet got his chubby green hands on the Pee-Pee Chew to begin with. He certainly traded up in the bargain, but with who?

DUN! DUN! DUN!

Well, don't get too excited about the answer, because I have no idea. Your reading "The Fat Naked Elves," not the "Origin of the Pee-Pee Chew," so there is only so much back story you're gonna get!

June 12, 2009

There's nothing like a creepy old farm or the even creepier old man who lives there to remind a person of the simple pleasure of living in America's Midwest. Yeah, those backwoods have their charms, but a shotgun barrel pointed at you throw a window is what really takes your breath away (unfortunately, literally sometimes). Thankfully B.E. is not one to bad down from the threat of simple fire arms. There are some in the Elvish community who suggest that she might have made some sort of pact with dark forces that prevent her from being harmed by such mundane weapons.

I wouldn't know about such things, but it does say on her resume that after she graduated from F.N.U., she went on to get her Masters in Practical Demonology with a focus on "the Old Ones" from Miscatonic University. That's some weird crap, man.

June 05, 2009

It's one thing to want to make a point, and another to use explosives in order to make it. I've heard reports that B.E.'s little stunt in the market place caused an underground stampede. Do you know what several hundred elves running franticly beneath the surface of the Earth does to seismic activity? Let's just say there were some scientists who got their knickers in a twist over it.

Thankfully the grenade she used was a dud, though whether she actually knew that at the time, we can only guess. Sometimes I wonder why I even keep her on the staff, but then I remember that it's better to just give her what she wants. Just consider the alternative!

May 29, 2009

If you want to find some truly crazy stuff, you need to make your way to an underground market in China. You will find hundreds of stores that snake around in endless mazes beneath the city and you will wonder how so many of them can stay in business, especially since you are unlikely to see a whole lot of people shopping in any particular shop, stand, stall, nook, or random counter placed up against the wall.

Beware, however, that if you are obviously a foreigner, they will screw you like a 1950's bicycle kit when it comes to price. Everyone has to bargain a bit to get a good deal, but we waiguoren have to work extra hard. Because the shops are usually really closely packed with shelves and items, there isn't much room for a rotund elvish bottom to move about. The result is that a lot of crap gets knocked over and the elves get a good price just so they'll leave. The tubbington version of the marketplace is markedly more spacious.

May 22, 2009

So Stinky has to shack up with B.E., and Jane-Dog's name is finally out in the open. For more than a decade, the fan base has considered her to be simply, "Hey You." Of course by, "fan base," I mean that one person who asked me what the dog's name was once. You'd have to sift through the pages of the original series to ferret that obscure reference out.

It's been an exciting update as the elves continue to crank out pages of questionable and variable quality. Still, it's easy to see that they are getting antsy to be back in Tubbington, eating their favorite foods and trash talking me to their friends. Those rotten tubs of...anyway, look for more exciting developments next week!

May 15, 2009

I thought Stinky would be thrilled to be heading back to the States, but it turns out that he learned to be comfortable in his little green office above the steamed bun shop. I think he liked having his own assistant and the fact that he could always cut our conversations short by citing "technical difficulties." Still, there are things that can only be enjoyed in Tubbington, and Stinky knows that full well. Now, we just need to fatten him up a little so he doesn't stand out so much. Then again, there are limits to how well a five foot pink rodent can fit into any community.

May 08, 2009

Man, that little booger just seems to pop up everywhere. I would think I could make a nice profit if I could find a way to market a shiny rodent-thing to the masses. Feh. The elves seems pretty hung up on the pink Pee-Pee Chew that is standard in Tubbington, but I know the rest of the world isn't so gullible. I mean, our society would never become obsessed with a single pop-culture icon and run it into the ground like that, right?

May 01, 2009

So it seems that my sister is disturbed by mermaids. Sure, there are the creepy flesh-eating variety that have sexy glistening torsos topped by toothy fish-like heads (those are a bit unnerving, to be sure), but tubby little mer-elves are cute and endearing, and it's been years since there have been reports of them eating the tender flesh of human sailors. So in the spirit of a better day, let us clasp hand in webbed hand and share some kelp-burgers and cream-filled yellow sponge cakes.

April 24, 2009

Ah...nothing like relaxing along the bank of a little river. I live by the Yangtze here in China, and I can tell you, it's a little less than relaxing to hang out along the banks there. People are busy doing their laundry and there are barges everywhere. However, you just might catch something if cast a line into the water. What you would want to do with it afterwards, however, is not so much fun to speculate upon.

April 17 , 2009

Whew! It's been a helluva ride, hasn't it? But it looks like the zombie threat is finally over and the elves of Tubbington can get back to their normal bland lives...AS IF!

If something as innocuous as ordering a pizza could cause such mayhem, imagine what else lies in store? That's right, just imagine! And if, by chance, you imagine something really cool, maybe you could, you know, send it my way.

April 10 , 2009

100 excitement packed pages in hole, eh? Man, who would have thought that a few steamed buns, a bullwhip, and some vague threats could cajole a small staff of chubby green employees to create pages with such gusto. I'm not so sure I'm happy with all of the quality, but there is no point in having them go back and recreate 100 old pages when they could get cracking on the next 100 new ones!

Here's to their success.

April 03 , 2009

I've always had kind of a thing for mermaids, although it seems like having half of my girlfriend be cold and slimy would be a bit of a turn off. Meh. Either way, I'm going to have to try throwing Twinkies at girls to see if that's really what it takes to woo them. After all, if it happens in Tubbington, you ought to be trying it yourself, right?

March 27, 2009

And thus another story arc draws to a close, and it has to be one of my favorites. Molly and I get together to watch Conan and Predator whenever we get the chance, and I doubt there are many people who there who appreciate those films more than us. We will sit for hours afterward eating pizza and quoting the films. Probably the biggest difference between us, however, is that she really believes that she is a movie badass, while with me it's all posturing. Still, I've seen her do some nasty stuff with that pickaxe of hers.

March 20, 2009

Well, a phone call is one thing, but I have not idea how Molly managed to get to Eat-Ernia. I am going to be checking the expense account very carefully with this one. It's one thing when He-Fat comes to visit, as he pays his own way, but Molly is not generally given credit for having the awesome powers (or resources) of the Masters of the Tubbiverse.

March 13, 2009

Let's just say that this Friday the 13th is plenty unlucky for Pink Skunk Productions. Have you ever seen how much it costs to make a call from Tubbington to Eat-Ernia? It wouldn't have bothered me quite so much if Molly hadn't gone to the freaking office to make the call!

March 06 , 2009

Wow. That Officer Eggplant always seems to show up just when he's needed. Well, at least that seems to be true when you don't call him. Still, I'm glad to see that he's a little more active in the community and, perhaps for a while, is off his kick to get everyone wearing pants. He would be just about as successful at getting at finding me my dream girl (an independently wealthy, attractive and mechanically inclined ninja spy).

Jess and Gordon are now back in the office and feeling a little better about working for our little paper. I guess I hadn't realized that they were feeling a bit out of sorts. Perhaps the dartboard with my face on it should have been a clue, but I guess they sell those things all over Tubbington. Anyway, It looks like everyone is happy on my staff and that things are back to normal. Still, it seems like there is an important member of my staff that I am forgetting about. Hmm...

February 20, 2009

It seems like you can get anything you want on the internet anymore. If you want to reinvent yourself, it's only a few clicks away. If you want to find a community of people who don't think you're a putz for reinventing yourself, it's just a few more clicks. I have to give Jess and Gordon credit, however, as they are taking some steps to get out and bring back new and exciting information for the paper.

I would like to have a few more go-getters like that on my staff (and it frightens me that Gordon is what qualifies as a go-getter at the F.N.E.P.) but too much independent thinking can be a bad thing. That is why I am considering starting a nationwide campaign in order to bitch about how the F.N.E.P. is going down the tubes and it's all because the elves want to do things their own way. I will also speak out against their efforts at every turn, while still taking full advantage of the messures they've taken so far. Sure, they asked me what I wanted and they even compromised a bit, but rather than do my own part to support the paper, I'm just going to cross my arms and pout because I didn't get my way. My secret hope is that the paper will fail so that everyone will love me again and turn to me to fix the problem.

That's a mature and effective way to lead, now isn't it?

February 13, 2009

So you may think that the kind of ice cream treats available at the new shop are a little...less than appetizing? I can't say as I disagree, but the elves have surprisingly wide pallets. In fact, my staff here in China love just about everything that is put in front of them at the dinner table. That includes some rather unusual frozen deserts. There is corn ice cream on a stick, pureed pea pop sickles, and a vanilla ice cream with beans in the middle (I actually kind of like the last one). Still, it can be surprisingly fun to try new things, because they almost never turn out the way you think. Now, finding pork in a Twinkie-like dessert does tend to turn the stomach a little, at least for me, but my staff just ask for the ketchup and ask what else there is to try.

Bless their tubby green souls.

February 06, 2009

Happy Waitangi Day! This is an important holiday in Tubbington. Yes, I remember when I was young and we'd all gather round the Waitangi tree and...wait, I don't remember that at all. What the heck is Waitangi Day? Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, I can find out for you and then take credit for the information as if it were my own:

Ah, well, off the top of my head I would say that Waitangi Day is a significant day in the history of New Zealand. It is a public holiday held each year on 6 February to celebrate the signing of the Treaty of Waitangi, New Zealand's founding document, on that date in 1840. At least that's an educated guess on my part. Oh, and I better wrap this up. I am way behind on my Waitangi shopping!

January 30, 2009

What is the deal with first born kids? I mean, yeah, we are pretty special, but why is it that the forces of darkness are always trying to make claims on us? Do we taste better than our siblings? Are we less fattening?

Now, you may be thinking, "But what if they don't want to eat us?" but that is just crazy talk. Of course they want to eat us! They don't make claims on you because they need another person to play bridge. I have read that groceries in Hell are really expensive and that health food (like free range humans) is particularly high in demand. It seem that eternal beings don't like to clog their arteries or some such thing. Anyway, given that, it's pretty clear why they want to claim our children (while they are at their tenderest, no doubt) as payment for various unholy favors, but the whole preference for first-borns just throws me.

January 23, 2009

Officer Eggplant is the Don Quixote of the law enforcement world, but do his personal windmills really need to be battered to fiercely? He is hell bent on changing the way the elves live to fit the preconceived image he has of what is the one right way to exist. What he doesn't realize, however, is that the elves are happy the way they are and their alternate lifestyle is part of what makes them who they are. Really, who would read an online comic called Fat Wearing-Pants Elves? I doubt his attempt to pass slow-moving sign legislation will go any farther than previous efforts, really.

Much like various factions in the United States, good old Eggy means well, but at his heart he is insecure and doesn't feel that his personal choices have value unless they can be forced upon everyone else. Obviously if other people act differently from him, he might have to actually think about whether his personal choices are correct, rather than blindly following the popular preconceptions that were forced onto him during his own upbringing.

If we continue this socio-psychological analysis of Duwayne Eggplant we will also see that...um, someone is knocking on my door so I'd better--GOOD LORD! Was that a gunshot? Maybe looking too deeply into Eggy's motivations isn't such a good idea. He's a very decent fellow after all, and a truly hardcore bad ass on top of that. If someone of his fine character to were to somehow know what I was typing at this very moment, I hope he would remember that part, and maybe forget about the first two paragraphs (and maybe also forget that I have a backspace key).

January 09 , 2009

Welcome to the ninth day of the ninth year of the new millennium! [insert evil laughter here]. I'm not sure if this is a particularly significant date or not. Honestly, I find the occult fascinating, but I don't understand it at all. That's probably why it isn't a good idea to dabble in it carelessly. It seems like there may be many intricate layers of darkness and deception that one could tumble into if a person stuck his finger into the pie of the damned.

So happy New Year everybody! The elves and I hope that you enjoy many happy returns and that any pies you stick your finger into are filled only with goodness and light.

December 26 , 2008

A Friendly Warning: Making a pact with the forces of darkness may seem like a good idea at first, but there is a reason that this activity is limited mostly to politicians, heavy metal bands, and amateur cartoonists. The ugly truth is that you can always microwave a pizza that shows up a little late, but getting your soul back is a bit more complicated. I would love to clarify that last comment and expand upon this topic a little further, but I'm going to be late for my 10AM flesh-rending in a pit of burning diapers.

December 12 , 2008

Well, my family seems to have enjoyed having had Eggy over for his little respite. Let's just hope that all of the aggression he let out on those rabbits will quell his anti-nudism zealousness for a while. Yeesh. I suppose it's not his fault for being assigned to Tubbington...no, wait. I believe it is. If I recall correctly, he was considered to be too abrasive and unstable for the departments of most major cities. The more or less indifferent attitude of the residents of Tubbington made it about the only place on Earth where he could get away with his antics. Still, there are limits even to the patience of the green and tubby.

November 28 , 2008

I never thought that the Fat Naked Elf name would be used in conjunction with such gratuitous violence as was seen in this update. I...I just don't know what to say. I guess I could tell you that it is a sign of the times and that we all need to get used to seeing such imagery associated even with the wholesome elves that we have grown to love. Or, I could tell you that I am outraged by these events and that it will absolutely not happen again. After all, didn't the little kitty with the mouse teach us anything about violence?

But in the end, I've got to show the truth. If the truth involves exploding zombie heads, well, then so be it. I know my readers are tough enough to stomach such images in their pursuit of all things bright and tubbiful. So here's to you, dear reader, for being so strong. Oh, and don't be embarrassed if you giggled a little when that zombie said, "Owie," they deserve such scorn.

November 14 , 2008

Man, I do so love a good zombie. You can lay into them totally guilt-free! It's a conversation that Molly and I have had a number of times, so I'm a little jealous that she got the chance to test out our theories first. Still, I cannot help but wonder if she isn't in over her head. She talks tough (and I do enjoy a good Predator quote), but Molly did get that scar from a fight with a rabbit if I recall correctly.

Anyway, this looks like a story arc that might continue for a while, so the elves will continue to work overtime until I say differently. Maybe I'll treat them by ordering pizza. Nah, I'll get them some cheap Chinese cookies instead. And they'll like them, by gum!

October 31, 2008

So, which is scarier, Halloween or the upcoming election? Even Tubbington is all abuzz about the possibilities for the future. They are also curious as to where their only law enforcement officer has gone, since no one has stepped in to take his place in his absence. It might have been a little shortsighted of me to send him on a vacation without taking something like that into consideration. Meh.

The staff here is exhausted after getting three pages ready to go a full week early and wanted me to pass on this message to you:

Dear Human Readers, You'd better be enjoying this stuff, because it is our blood, sweat, and fat that goes into every issue. You think that maybe, just maybe, you could send a letter of appreciation our way? Maybe one with gift certificates to a nearby buffet? Huh? Do you think you could manage that? Oh, forget it. It's not like we'd ever see those certificates after they went through "Mr. Big Shot's" office. Sincerely, the elves of the Fat Naked Elf Page.

Hmm...now that I've read it, I wonder if that's the kind of thing I want my readers to see. Oh well, no time to give it the thought it deserves. There are other things to be done. So, until next time!

October 24, 2008

Life in Tubbington is rough for a vegetable as prudish as old Eggplant Cop, but he's all the law enforcement we've got. Honestly, if he would just peel away some of those outdated Puritan values, maybe he would find a seed of respect for the fine elves and faeries he serves everyday. After all, he's not some green rookie who gets fried by a day of hard work.

So, I guess we'll see how he handles the stress in the future. Thankfully Tubbington isn't particularly plagued by crime and shoplifting (a fairly common misdemeanor in most communities) is pretty much nonexistent, as it is harder than you think to hide a Snickers (tm) bar in a roll of fat.

October 10, 2008

That darn Pee-Pee Chew is always causing trouble. How could one little fictional rodent bring about so much random chaos? People have committed murder just to have an action figure (well, it has been SPECULATED upon that someone has committed murder just to have one) and now He-Fat is exchanging a Pee-Pee Chew game card for all of the guilt born of destroying Skeletub's magical staff. I just don't get the attraction. What makes that little booger so desirable?

Besides that, I have my doubts about Skeletub's claims about his staff. I've seen them for sale in Shopko for less than twenty dollars, and in much less tacky colors. Maybe he had the import edition that allows for wireless internet downloading to upgrade the spell powers of the staff. But what can one do but look on and sigh, and maybe go buy a Pee-Pee Chew T-shirt.

September 26 , 2008

After today's headline in the Fat Naked Elf Page, we have been swamped with calls about the drug problem in Tubbington and whether or not it's really a good place to raise a family. Most of these inquiries have been responded to with a simple, "What drug problem?"

It seems that some of our readers (mostly human in this case) did not understand the subject matter of the article or the motivation behind our devoted law enforcement officer to put an end to it. Perhaps this confusion is born of the increasingly common social disorder of carp- impairment. Generally all misunderstanding can be traced back to this problem.

If you or someone you love is suffering from carp-impairment, remember, there is help available.

Also, many readers have inquired as to what exactly carp-impairment is. These readers obviously enjoy a great deal of carp in their overly-pampered lives if they fail to realize that one in 12 elves suffers from this disorder and it is awfully insensitive of them to ask like that. Sheesh.

September 12 , 2008

Man, it's good to be back on Eat-Ernia again. Okay, so maybe the stark landscape and roving hoards of mysterious and dangerous tentacled beasts aren't so cool, but this place sure takes me back. I, uh, I mean it would take me back if there were anyplace that Eat-Ernia reminded me of. Heh. It's not like it's a direct rip off of some other established place with it's own popular characters and line of merchandise. I mean if such a place already existed, then Eat-Ernia would be a spoof of it. It would be in the spirit of satire and thus completely innocent of any copyright infringement. I'm sticking by that, and so is Stinky. Hey, where did he run off to?

Man, am I going to need a lawyer?

August 29, 2008

Stinky was not happy when he got back from his vacation. He said he didn't even want to talk about it, which left me wondering what could have possibly happened. Thankfully, though he wasn't willing to open up to me about it personally, he did tell some of the other staff members what happened.

One of the wonderful things about being the boss is that I can threaten and cajole my employees into doing what I want, or I can just bribe them with peanut butter. Either way, I got them to immortalize Stinky's Japan experience in the last few pages. Man, that trip was rough. Hilariously rough. Am I right? Huh? Am I right?

August 15, 2008

Well, I'm just finishing all of my travel, so that means that Stinky is free to pursue some of his own. I hope he can manage to stay out of trouble, but it looks like he is off to a bad start. Man, if he gives our fine publication a bad reputation in Japan (he's already done a pretty good job of that in China) we are going to have a serious exchange of words.

Still, to see him taken in by the authorities makes me a little uneasy. I wonder if he'll still be able to pick up some of those pickled plumbs I like. Well, he'd better!

August 04 , 2008

On the road again...man I wish I didn't have to get right back on the road again. Yeah, I just got back from Fuling a day ago and already I need to catch the overnight train to Chengdu. Still, I made sure to stop back at the China office to make sure that another issue of the FNEP was ready for all you loyal readers. That's love, baby. That's love.

Anyway, I'm not so sure how I feel about that personal assistant of mine. He might look all spiffy in his trench coat, but he seems like a bit of a turncoat to me. Oh well, I have my loyal minions to fall back on. No, wait. I believe he was pretty much the bulk of my minions. Well, crap!

July 16, 2008

Well, it's been a busy July so far, and it's just going to get busier. But, for a brief moment I have time to update the web site to let all of you loyal readers know what has been going on with the tubbies. I'm a little worried about a clash of two such titanic powers as the Sidekick and the Bitchy Elf (people whose names I should probably learn one of these days), however, and truly hope that your computer could handle the raw crackling energy that was no doubt emitting from your screen.

So, it will be another somewhat extended wait until I can update again, be rest assured that the elves and I are working hard to bring you the latest news, gossip, and entertainment.

June 27, 2008

Okay, let's just set the record straight: that was a friendly charity match against that beagle and we had agreed ahead of time which round I would go down in. It's like pro-wrestling, people! I mean, come on! Do you really think some fat little dog could take me out so easily? I mean she was good once her paws hit the canvas; don't get me wrong. Real good. But anyway...

Even though there are those parties out there who would like to slander me, I still have some loyal friends that won't let me down. And loyal friends (especially those with cool Japanese swords) are the best kind to have.

June 13 , 2008

Okay, for those of you lacking in culture, I want you to really appreciate the first panel on page 21. That one has special meaning for me, and I spent more time working on that one than what I usually put into an entire multi-panel page. First, you need to know that Frank Frazetta is probably the father of modern fantasy art and there is no one who does it quite like him. I have been enthralled by his paintings since I was a wee lad looking at painting that I probably shouldn't have. The first panel on page 21 is my little homage to him. So, in order for me to share with you what has been for me an extremely influential image, please follow this link: Click Here

And there you have it. Pretty cool, huh? Anyway, Molly was pretty stoked to pose for that one (she and I seem to have pretty similar tastes in art and movies), although Gordon was a little less enthusiastic. Meh.

May 30, 2008

Yikes! I don't know which is scarier, the mysterious killer hiding in the dumpster, or Molly issuing her challenge. Either way, it's good to be well away from Fatsberry Park at the moment. There used to be a time when you could take your kids there to play, but lately (as in the last couple of issues) it's been questionable at best. We'll have to see if we can't get Eggy on that one. It seems like cleaning up the park would be something he's good at, that is, if Molly doesn't clean it up first. If she does, then we can have our favorite veggie officer of the law do a different kind of park clean up. Heh. Man, he would hate that!

May 16, 2008

Well, it seems like Molly is back to her old self and no worse for the wear after her tangle with old Mr. Cottontail. She even has a badass scar to toughen up her image. Still, she is beginning to make me a little nervous with that dialogue of hers...

It is indeed good to see our buddy He-Fat back in action. He is usually the more air-headed and more reckless member of the team, so it's interesting to see him be the thoughtful and collected one. We'll have to see how long that lasts. Anyway, he and Molly are a team up that I think we've all secretly been wishing for in our diaries at night, so I hope you enjoy their story as it unfolds.

May 02, 2008

That Stinky just can't seem to get a break. He gets one guy off his back and there is always a bitchy elf to take his place. Man, that girl (the Bitchy Elf) has got a serious chip on her chubby green shoulder, and I shudder to think of what plans she has in store for everyone's favorite elfin publication.

A few things to note about these pages: First, the sign above the door as Stinky is exiting the building says, "exit." Most signs like that in China have both Chinese and English, but I couldn't fit them both neatly into that space. Second, it appears that the Bitchy Elf's bathroom has the same colour scheme as my mother's. I hardly think that it is coincidence. Do you think she is trying to get in good with my family so that when she ultimately takes over PSP, Ltd., all of my friends and allies will turn against me? Man, I'd give her a piece of my mind if she wasn't so dang scary!

April 18, 2008

As one reader pointed out to me, Stinky is really learning to stand up for himself. Living in China seems to have really toughened him up. Still, I am worried about the missing elves and, Molly, badass though she may be, got pretty messed up by that rabbit. I guess she should have suspected that Eggy's arch nemesis wouldn't be a pushover. Thankfully, however, with Stinky back in charge of the content, the elves should find them selves on safer and less controversial assignments. Cross your fingers for them!

By the way, if you were wondering about the photos of the missing staff members, Gordon's is from last year's "Moving to China" staff party and Jessica's is of her performing the lead roll in her college's performance of Edith Wharton's "House of Mirth." We probably should update our files with some better employee photos.

April 04 , 2008

You know, Molly has only been working for us here at Pink Skunk since the move to China (she was one of the new U.S. employees when the bulk of the staff shipped overseas) but she is really starting to impress me. I don't know much about her, but any lass who quotes the movie "Predator" in the heat of battle is a swell gal in my book. Now that I know she is the resident badass on the staff, I just might have to send her off for the tougher scoops. I wonder if she had anything to do with the puma that ended up in that outhouse...

March 21, 2008

Well, Eggy (we probably shouldn't start calling him Duwayne just yet, at least not if we value our lives) has been having a little trouble here in China. The Chinese people have responded to him with cautious courtesy, but a certain American who is serving as a volunteer here loves sweet and sour eggplant a little too much. She lives a couple floors down from me and apparently remembered that I don't lock my windows. It seems our fearless officer of the law awoke one night to find himself basted in a tangy sauce. I'm a little sorry I let him sleep on my sofa, however, since it seems to have stained the upholstery.

As it turns out, Eggy was far too bitter for even the potent chinese sauce to salvage, so my neighbor fled after only taking a small bite out of the officer's bottom. So I guess it all worked out in the end. Uh oh, I think he's coming. Until next time!

March 07, 2008

Hey, loyal readers! I've updated the page a bit. Nothing too fancy, but hopefully it will be enjoyable and if you have a better idea you should just come out with it instead of being all passive aggressive by smiling at the page when in your heart you wish it would simply dissolve into nothing and be forgotten for all eternity!

So anyway, these couple of issues took me a little extra time, so please savor them and send me an e-mail if you like what you see! Without your kind words I begin to lose motivation to work hard and the elves get all moody and the general quality of life in China begins to decrease. How can you let that happen?

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